


Serenity

by chynnawrites



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Clint Barton - Fandom, Marvel, The Avengers
Genre: Other, Recovering!Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-18
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-11-02 01:29:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10934151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chynnawrites/pseuds/chynnawrites
Summary: Summary: Bucky needs to get away from the city and The Avengers. The one person he knows can help is Clint.





	Serenity

“Bucky? W-what are you doing here?” Laura asked with a hint of shock. Her brown hair was frizzy from the humidity of the warm spring day in the country.

“Clint said I should come.” I murmured, my shoulders hunched. “But I can go if it’s not a good time.” I added in a mumbled rush. She put two fingers under my chin and lifted my head, my eyes meeting hers. I knew what she saw when her eyes went wide. She saw my reddened eyes and the heavy bags from stress and sleep deprivation.

“You’re not going anywhere, Bucky. Come on in.” Laura assured me, ushering me into the house as I gripped my duffle bag tighter. I slid off my shoes, knowing if Ma was here, she’d have scolded me by now.

“Hey, man.” Clint came from around the corner and took me into his arms. My body relaxed into his embrace and I let out a long sigh. “You okay? You sounded really wrecked on the phone.” He asked, motioning to the couch for me to sit.

“I’m overwhelmed. The city is too much. Some of the noises…” I started explaining, trailing off. The memories all flooded back and I had to block them out.

“Well, you’re one of the people that the house is always open to. You’re always welcome here.” Laura put her hand on my shoulder and gave me a smile. “Now, when was the last time you ate?” She asked, her lips still curled into a sweet smile. She reminded me of Ma so much.

“To be honest, Laura, I don’t remember.” I admitted as I ran a hand through my greasy hair. “I can’t even remember the last time I showered.” I mumbled, twiddling a loose piece of string from my shirt between my metal fingers.

“Go upstairs and shower in the guest bathroom. By the time you get out, dinner will be ready.” Laura pointed up the stairs and ordered, all with that charming smile.

“Yes, ma’am.” I nodded with a smirk before making my way upstairs. I set my bag on the bed in the guest bedroom and dug out the change of clothes I’d packed. My favorite pajama bottoms. Natasha stole them from me all time. I walked into the bathroom and turned on the water to the highest heat. I stripped off my clothes that I’d been wearing for the past two days. _Or was it three?_ _When did Steve bring it up last?_ I thought to myself as I stepped into the shower.

I scrubbed my hair, feeling the grease wash out. The heat worked my muscles and the peppermint soap calmed my nerves. The stress of the Avengers and SHIELD and Steve started leaving my body as heat radiated through my body. The water started to cool and I finished bathing quickly. My body can’t handle cold. Not after cryo. Not after Siberia.

I dried myself off, trying to ignore the scars all over my body. From the fusion of metal to flesh to the scars from training Widows and the other Soldiers. _The arm hurt worse than anything._ I thought to myself as I slipped on my t-shirt and pajama pants. I grabbed one of Laura’s hairbands and put it on my wrist before going downstairs.

“Uncle Bucky!” Two voices yelled in unison as two pairs of feet ran toward me, leaving their little brother in the dust. I hugged Cooper and Lila, smiling down at them. They let me go as Laura called for them to help set the table for dinner and I went over to pick Nathaniel up. His hands went straight to the damp mop of hair, taking hold of it and smiling. I nuzzled against his cheek, chuckling at the roar of laughter he gave when my scruff rubbed against his skin.

“Hey, everyone. Dinner’s ready.” Laura come out of the kitchen and beckoned us to the table. I sat Nate in his booster seat and tousled his hair with a smile.

“There you go, little man.” I cooed before sitting down across from him at the table. I couldn’t help but giggle at Lila and Cooper arguing over who should get to sit next to me.

“If you guys don’t stop, neither of you will get to sit by him.” Laura told them sternly, causing me to stifle my laughs and bow my head. I love this family so much. “Now, Coop. You sat by him last time, so it’s Lila’s turn.” She told them and went back to grab something from the kitchen. I could tell Cooper wasn’t happy about it, but if there was anyone as scary as Natasha in a fight, it was Laura when she was upset.

“You feeling a little better, man?” Clint asked as he brought in one of the bowls and set it on the table.

“Yeah, thanks. Now it’s just a matter of sleep. I haven’t slept much lately.” I answered with a nervous smile, my hands fidgeting under the table.

“I understand. We’ll make sure you get some rest.” Clint told me with a smile and sat down at the end of the table across from Laura. “For now, it’s time to eat.” He added and started making his plate. We all started eating and Laura was preoccupied with feeding Nate, completely neglecting her own food. I ate quickly and stood up, tapping her on the shoulder.

“Here, Laura. I can feed him. You need to eat.” I reached out and gently took the plate she was holding.

“Oh, Buck, you don’t have to.” Laura protested quietly, but not fighting as her fingers fell away from the plate. She grabbed her plate and sat in my seat next to Clint and Lila, smiling to her husband as she ate what had to be her first warm meal in a long time.

I laughed as Nate babbled and ate, watching the dark-haired child follow every movement I made. My whole world seemed to revolve this kid and I realized something. _This is the one place I feel at home. I have a sense of serenity here. Nate, Cooper, and Lila don’t know what I’ve done and they don’t care. Clint knows and he still wants to help me. He understands what happened._ I thought to myself and stared at Nathaniel with a smile.

“Hey, Buck. It’s time for Nate to go to bed. Do you want to put him down?” Clint asked and nudged me out of the trance I was in. I looked up to my friend and his wife with misty eyes, giving them a nod. I stood up and picked up Nate. He nestled into my neck as I started humming and took him upstairs.

“Did you know I trained your Auntie Nat? I didn’t train her to be a dancer. I’m nowhere near as graceful as she is. But she used her grace to excel in her training with me.” I told him, rocking us in the chair. I went between singing him songs quietly. I went between normal lullabies and Russian ones that used to play in the Red Room.

“And Steve? He wants your Aunt Wanda to alter my memories. Make it like everything I did never happened.” I went on. I knew Nate could care less. But he was a captive audience and I knew he wouldn’t judge me. I laid him down, giving him a good night peck on the forehead and getting a yawn in acknowledgement.

I walked down the stairs quietly, some would say too quietly, so I wouldn’t disturb the rest of the house. I looked around the living room, taking in that no one was there. I saw a note, written in Laura’s rushed yet delicate handwriting.

_“Clint went to the barn. I’ve gone to bed. Make yourself at home. Love, Laura.”_

I set her note back on the table and slipped my hair into a small bun before putting on my shoes and heading out the door. I walked to the lit barn and saw Clint feeding chickens. _An Avenger raising chickens? Now I’ve seen everything._ I chuckled to myself. I noticed that Clint had his hearing aids out, so I made sure to walk in front of him. I waved to get his attention and saw him smile at me.

“Can we talk?” My sign was choppy and my hands shook.

“Of course. Hold on.” Clint signed quickly. He reached over to a shelf and grabbed his hearing aids, putting them in his ears and tuning them before giving me a smile. “What’s up?” He asked.

“You know about what Steve wants for me. With Wanda.” I started, twiddling my thumbs nervously.

“Yeah, I know.” He nodded and put up the feed bucket. He had to know. Wanda told him everything.

“Well, what do you think? Do you think…” I asked with an edge of hesitation. Clint gave me a soft smile and rested his hand on my shoulder.

“Did Natasha tell you about what happened to me? With Thor’s brother?” Clint raised his eyebrows and scratched his neck. I shook my head, knowing Natasha. She never revealed anything if it didn’t fit her purpose.

“Loki put me under a spell. Mind control, brainwash. Like you. You know how she got me out of it? ‘Cognitive recalibration’, she called it.” He laughed and threw up air quotes. “She hit me so hard with a metal pipe I got knocked out.” He added in a low chuckle. “It worked for me because this was only a few days. Yours was seventy years. Cognitive recalibration or Wanda altering your memories may not work on you. We don’t know. But you follow your gut.” Clint bowed his head and avoided my eyes.

“HYDRA fucked you up. There’s no denying it. But how you chose to handle that, it’s your choice. Not Steve’s. Not Wanda’s. Not mine. Yours.” He gave me a nudge and smiled. “But whatever you chose, you can always tell me. I’m always here to talk.” He patted my shoulder and got up, leaving to stew in his words and my own thoughts. I got up and walked out to the edge of the woods, pulling out my phone and calling Steve.

“Where the hell are you, Buck? I’ve have Bruce and Tony trying to find you!” He shouted at me as soon as he answered the phone.

“I had to get away. It was too much.” I answered him honestly. “Now, about Wanda…” I started before Steve got righteous again.

“So, you’ve finally come around.” He told me smugly.

“No, Steve. Stop being an idiot and actually listen to me.” I finally put my foot down. “She’s not doing it. I can’t let her.” I stood in the barn and kicked some of the hay.

“Bucky, come on. Why are you being like this?” He asked me, the irritation rising in his voice.

“She’s a kid, Steve!” I shouted into the phone, going outside to the edge of the woods. For a best friend, he was an utter asshole sometimes.

“She may be a kid, Buck, but she’s a hell of a lot.” He tried to reason with me. I couldn’t budge, I wouldn’t.

“Dammit, Steve! Pull your head out of your ass and get it! I’m trying to protect her! I’m trying to protect myself!” I finally broke down. He would never see my face when I reacted like this. “She’ll see everything and she won’t be able to handle it.” I huffed. I loved him, but goddammit.

“Bucky, I’m just trying to help you. If you let Wanda help you, it’ll be done and over with.” My stubborn mule of a best friend told me again. This is the whole reason I fell into a rut, causing me to want to come here in the first place.

“Steve, I can’t. I won’t do it. T’Challa has some ideas he wants to run by me. Please, let me work through this without Wanda or you interfering. Wanda is too fragile after the airport and prison.” I pleaded.

“She’s not that fragile, Bucky.” Steve muttered.

“You let her get thrown in jail! She was in a shock collar and straight jacket because of YOU!” I shouted again, my voice shaking as I thought about what I’d seen. Steve had been reckless, not only with his life, but the others who sided with him.

“She knew what the risk was! She was just as upset with Tony as I was!” Steve retorted, his own voice raised.

“She was scared half to death, Rogers! Play with your own life. You always did. But let others decide if they want to follow in your steps.” My voice took on a dominant tone. I hated to talk to him like this, but he was such a bull-headed dumbass. I pulled the phone away and slammed the ‘end call’ button. My body fell into a heap on the ground. I broke down in tears and I couldn’t even lift my head when I heard footsteps behind me. Not a spy’s footsteps. Those of someone who had a real heart.

“Bucky?” Laura’s gentle voice called out in the dark. I lifted my hand, knowing she’d see the moonlight reflecting off the silver metal of my arm. Her hand landed on my shoulder before she slid down next to me.

“I hope I didn’t wake you. I’m sorry if I did.” I sniffled, keeping my head bowed.

“No, you didn’t. Clint snores when he’s able to sleep. Makes it damn near impossible for me to sleep.” She chuckled and rubbed my back. “But I heard everything. Steve’s really trying to get you to do this, huh?” She asked quietly. Cautiously, as though the conversation could be a minefield.

“Yeah. He’s being his bull-headed self.” I mumbled and picked at the grass.

“Don’t do anything you don’t want. It boils down to you. Your morals.” She pulled me close to her and rubbed my arm. “And if you can’t tell Steve that, let me know. Clint didn’t marry me just because I’m pretty.” She chuckled and I lifted my head to smile at her.

“Thanks, Laura.” I spoke quietly.

“Anytime, sweetie.” She replied before standing up. “How about we go inside? There’s no chance I’m going back to sleep with Clint snoring. Heaven knows how hard it must be for you to sleep most nights. We’ll watch a movie and have some coffee. How does that sound?” She asked and motioned toward the house.

“You go in. I’ll be in in a few.” I told her with a smile. She nodded and walked back toward the house. I looked up to the stars and thought about how much happier I was here at the farm. No judgements. For a group of people with severe PTSD, The Avengers were so stubborn about working things through in their own way. Except Clint and Sam. I got up and walked into the house, smiling as Laura brought in two cups of coffee. She had to be one of my best friends. She was normal. I needed normal. I needed serenity and I had it here.


End file.
